Letters between Cybertron and Earth
by TransformersPrime1234444
Summary: A compendium of letters between Cybertron and Earth. Extremely silly. DISCLAIMER: I don't own Transformers.
1. Chapter 1

Knockout read over his letter carefully, per Optimus's orders, he had to send a letter to a, fleshy.

_Dear fleshly (Miko),_

_Due to Optimus's orders, I have to write you a letter. And this is surely the first, last, and only letter I will ever write to a fleshbag. I was instructed to tell you all about Cybertron while Bulkhead is busy with construction. So first thing you need to know is that it is very shiny. You should also know I'm supposed to treat you as a friend and ally. So as a friend, I tell you the true meaning of following this evil order is arglpfdjouiotwmjov. Don't try and pronounce it, it will only strain your little, inferior mind. See, I just helped you out there, ally. Now, using my processor, I will teach you something, worthwhile, which I have learned a lot about in the past few weeks:_

_ALL ABOUT THE COLOR PURPLE:_

_A color in the rainbow made of red and blue. Always check your things for traces of this horrific color, because it had definitely stained my finish. See, if I didn't consider you inferior skinjob a friend, I wouldn't have warned you, and I would have inserted an exploding purple paint packet into your letter as I did in my report to Ratchet. that color really won't suit him. It clashes way to much with the orange. Why do you think Starscream's insignia was red? But as your ally, I will not turn you into a grape juice_ _packet, as another fleshy once did to my seats. I also inserted a paint packet into my report for Optimus, as punishment for humiliating me with this letter. I won't tell you the color, but it really clashes with his current paint job, like that maroon and light blue shirt I saw once, ugh._

_Now that I have concluded my report on the color purple, I would like to assure you that I did not force Ratchet to dismantle your amplifier. But I was never specifically told I couldn't bribe him with treats I don't have._

_Now the Optimus thing, he treats all of his other team with such high respect, but all you hear Optimus talking to me about is how important you fleshlings are and that we should not fail to recognize them. Zzzzzzzzz. I fell into recharge though, so I might have missed part of the instructions for this letter._

_In conclusion, I hope you enjoy this letter skinjob, because I had to cut my buffing time to write this._

_Sincerely,_

_Your dear friend who is no longer in prison for my former alliences, who is not responsible for a rampaging Ratchet, who doesn't groundbridge fleshies to certain death, that is working with the Autobots with no reasons or plans to overthrow or hurt them in any way, shape, or form, who is never going to write you another letter again,_

_The brave and devilishly handsome, _

_Knockout._

'Yes, this will do,' Knockout thought, opening a groundbridge to the Autobot base and sending the letter through.


	2. Chapter 2

'Hmm,' Miko thought evilly as she read Knockout's letter, 'Optimus said he had to be my friend, but not the other way around.'

Miko took out a pen and started to write in slightly messy handwriting.

_Dear, dear Knockout,_

_Today I received more proof that you are a rude, evil Autobot. As an Autobot, you should be kind to us humans and show us no hostility._

_See, I just had some chocolate and it was delicious, leaving me in a good mood, so I'm being nice right now. By the way, my snack is the equivalent to energon cookies._

_Now, I did not care for the way you addressed me as 'fleshling, fleshy, and skinjob.' It proves how rude you are. And all of your complaining showed that the rumors are true, you're whinier than Starscream. At least Optimus didn't make you write me a letter on the true meaning of orange. Which I currently possess._

_**THE TRUE MEANING OF ORANGE, RAF'S DEFINITION:** (Spiced up by yours truly)_

_Orange means many things. It means both a color and a fruit! (And some city in France, but who cares?) Orange rhymes with no word except the made up ones in my head I want to use to insult you. The color looks absolutely hideous on you, so I quite frankly have no idea why I decided to use it as the color for your new paintjob._

_I'm absolutely looking forward to humialiating you more through Optimus by making you write these letters in the future, who thinks we are "friends," and is happy about it. My thoughts fill with the very interesting colors I can turn you in future letters. And your incorrect definition of purple._

_Now that I'm done with the topic of colors, I would like to say that you are going to be in for a very interesting week. And I promise I didn't threaten or torture anyone in any way to make this happen. It may possibly have something to do with bribery and not sending them recordings of me rocking out the guitar or of Slash Monkey._

_Now this,'fleshling,' has evil schemes for Ratchet to plan, but don't think I forgot you. Me and Bulk are planning on teaming up against you one day, I wonder what will happen. But the day you finish reading this officially marks the start of a new war, you'll see why later, I assure you._

_Sincerely._

_Your very much alive and planning enemy,_

___Miko_

* * *

After Knockout received Miko's letter and read it before throwing it to the ground trying to hide from the hidden paintjob changer Miko said was in the letter. After waiting a few minutes, Knockout saw something and decided to pick it up and take it to Optimus, but upon contact with it, a mini grenade filled with paint splashed him, ruining his newly buffed finish.

"Nooooooooooo!" Knockout yelled, "Somebody help me!"

"Not today Doc Knock," Smokescreen smiled, holding a Cybertronian sized paintball gun.


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Miko,_

_You, fleshling, have crossed the line. You have just started an intergalactic war with one of the fiercest AUTOBOTS online. Not only am I fierce, I am handsome. You have no idea what you've started._

_I'll recruit Smokescreen and Ratchet. Okay, maybe not Smokescreen, but still. And then the war will begin, Autobots versus Skinjobs. Although you might recruit the wreckers... I'm starting to regret this war thing, you're scarier then Megatron!_

_Now, for the color of the day, green._

_THE TRUE MEANING OF GREEN:_

_Green is a very ugly color. It is seen almost everywhere on the mudball you call a home. Also a term used to recognize newbies. Hmm, how would you like your, hair, to turn the color of thrown up grass? It is a quite horrid color that can be found on the farms of black and white four legged furjobs. That stuff is impossible to get off! I was lucky enough to find some to use for my revenge._

_Now that I am off the topic of colors, I'd like to ask how you plan on defeating me? I am a master of skills, I'm devishly handsome. How can anyone beat me? You know what? Don't answer that question. I'm sure after today you'll see the error of starting a war with Lord Knockout, emperor of fabulousness. In case you didn't realize, that is me. Hmm, we can have a color war. I know a variety from the Internet. I will win! Not only will you lose, you will be crushed!_

_I hope I haunt your nightmares. Even though you DON'T haunt mine. Just imagine me destroying you with the aid of a rainbow! That will be your nightmare, scary and slightly disturbing. Have fun recharging tonight. Mwahahahaha! Oh, I'd this letter gets anyone in trouble, it was Bumblebee. _

_Sincerely,_

_Your dear friend/enemy who IS an Autobot, that doesn't hurt any Autobots in any way, shape, of form, who is NOT dissecting fleshies, who is maliciously planning revenge for your evil scheme,_

_The devilishly handsome,_

_Knockout_

"That'll teach her," Knockout said, putting the final touches on his mini grenade.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Knockout,_

_Your bomb was defective! You couldn't dye a sock! Quick question, were the furjobs, cows? Well, back onto your bomb, I had Raf check it out, you forgot to connect some fancy colored wires as set a timer. On the topic of colors, I'd like to introduce, yellow._

_THE TRUE MEANING OF YELLOW:_

_Yellow is a primary color also included in the rainbow. Yellow is also used to describe cowards. Basically, you and Starscream are as yellow as it gets. And I'm not just saying that because of the exploding paint packets covering your room. _

_Off the topic of colors, I'd like to ask a very important question. Why in the world do you think the Doc Bot will join you? I can get him on my side a lot faster than you can. Maybe we can place a dagger on it. If he joins you, I have to play a prank on an Autobot of your choice, and make you laugh, but if I win, you have to get painted in any way I want for a month. Just because we're in a 'war,' doesn't mean we can't have fun. So I'll tell you what I did to Ratchet._

_The grouch got really angry so I glued down all his wrenches, and he got his fingers stuck! He was not happy, I took the opportunity to paint him pink and purple and get him a giant tutu. Wanna picture? So you can get over the fact that your bomb was defective..._

_Still, I am not a fleshy, get it out of your thick processor, or else, your destiny is not pretty._

_I guess I am scarier than Megatron. Oh, and I didn't get any nightmares, take that! The only thing I got was an extremely disturbing image in my head._

_Little bit of information, I'm still launching an attack from this letter, and mine WILL work. I've already recruited the wreckers, except for Magnus. He'll soon see why not joining makes him an enemy. I've gotten Bumblebee and Smokescreen. I just need Ratch, Optimus, and Arcee._

_Do you still think you'll win? Your answer should be no. I've also prepared a little, Slash Monkey for you to listen to. Enjoy!_

_Sincerely,_

_Your dear enemy who is going to beat you badly, who isn't a fleshy, who has awesome battle tactics,_

_The awesome,_

_Miko_

'I'm totally awesome,' Miko thought as she put her letter through the ground bridge. As soon as Knockout entered his quarters the paint packets would explode, making him yellow.


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear inferior fleshbag,_

_You, you are a fragging fleshbag! Why do you seek to torture me? You are meatbag, fleshy, skin job, nothing compared to me! I have fought in a war, now why must you destroy the vanity I possess? I give up you pit spawned fragger! In other words, I surrender! But I will not cease to inform you on the true meaning of colors, for you have them all wrong._

_THE TRUE MEANING OF SILVER:_

_Silver is a common color for metal, and looks best when it's shiny. It can also mean that one has came in second._

_Anyway, I believe we should turn our efforts to Ratchet and Ultra Magnus. Those two need some screws loosened._

_I've been assigned to go with Ultra Magnus to search for any refugees, to appeal to any Decepticons. Now that I think about it, Optimus has two screws loose._

_Now that I have that out of my systems, I wish for you to accept my proposal. I am going to go finish getting off this yellow paint off of me._

_The devilishly handsome,_

_Knockout_


End file.
